80 minutes

I spend at least 80 minutes a day in my car. This is what the majority of it looks like. Since starting Project Life I take a lot more pictures of everyday life. That are what life is really about.

All I can tell you is sometimes the ride is quiet and mostly it is filled with music and many random thoughts in my head.

I listen to Klove 98 percent of the time.

My kids are getting older and they are liking me to listen to Pop. But I still stand strong on Klove..

But I use those 80 minutes of reflection alot thinking about my relationships, words I have spoken and people in life. And i become deeply convicted about who I am. Who I want my kids to see. And I am as hard of myself as I am on my kids. Because you never get a do over. I think I stress that enough but to myself I dont. And that disappoints me.

I tell myself dont worry about anyone else but yourself Nicole Prather. Dont worry about others and what they are doing. Worry about what you are doing. Follow your heart in life. Follow what you know is right. Because in the end worrying about what others are doing and saying isnt what God is going to ask me.

I think that is my biggest thing is others. But my husband always tells me “dont” “dont bring the drama into this house” I have heard it a thousand time probably more. And I never learn my lesson.

But I think lately I have come to the realization that it is unhealthy for me. It really is. What I am doing is ruining me.

Because there is only one of me. Compared to no one else. I am a unique person made by God. And I need to follow my heart about things and convictions. And there is no competition with no one else. Because in the end. I dont think God is going to bring any one elses name but mine. And who I was.

Toxic.

And in this I am stopped in my tracks of life.

I know what is right and I still do it to myself. And I hate it. I hate going onto the web and looking at others post pictures or whatever and thinking people are nuts or mabye it is me. I really think it is me. I have a problem because I am a person of truth and integrity. And easily bothered.  And maybe that is where I am wrong because as always the truth is different to everyone how i saw something go down maybe that is not how they in-visioned  it to me. But that is how it goes when you put yourself out there. You are going to have people who have an opinion about you, or copy it and call it theirs.

Im about done. Well I am done with alot of things. Because deep down inside it makes me an unhappy person.

And that is the farthest of what I want to be.

Because I have alot more that most i have a loving caring hard working man that comes home to me and wants to be around me all the time. And I have three wonderful caring loving grounded children they are usually well mannered. And I have a roof over my head.

And I have people that love me for who I am. No one else. All my flaws. And respect me. Who cherish my loyalty. Who are happy for the great things that happen for me and are not threatened by it. And i love that. Because those are the people who are in my life and want to be in my life.

And all others who criticize, two face me, talk about me, and be around because it makes them feel better about themselves. I prey for you.

And now I am done with 80 minutes of ranting.

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1 Comment

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One response to “80 minutes

  1. I am sorry about your feelings Nicole :( You are strong and these little ruts and emotions i Pray they pass for you! You are an amazing mommy and love your hubby and at the end of the day that is all that matters! This is your life, live it strong, loving, and peaceful, I know that Nicole Prather & she is lovely! Xoxo I love you I hope you know that! & I miss you much!

    BTW what a Beautiful Drive! :) On the way to Hal school is not so pretty lol!

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